Chuck Norris has Spoken!!!

Chuck Norris Global Domination Conspiracy Alert!

In a brand-new display of his omniscient clairvoyance, Chuck Norris has predicted that John McCain will die within four years. Norris, who is 67 years old (although, of course, age is irrelevant to Norris, who is immortal), said that he was “afraid that the vice president would wind up taking over his job in that four-year presidency,” while devouring raw flesh at the Lone Wolf Ranch, his humble abode and site of the “Real Men for Huckabee” fundraiser (on the guest list: Harvey Mansfield, Sylvester Stallone, and Hugh Hefner).

Meanwhile, Huckabee himself responded to Norris’ prediction with yet another illogical joke about hairstyling (how does he keep coming up with these?) and something about the snow costing him votes. Yes, Mike, it was the snow that cost you South Carolina, not the fact that you seem not to understand the concept of separation of church and state, or the fact that the name of your band is “Capital Offense”.

To John McCain, we have only this warning: Chuck Norris doesn’t endorse, he tells America how it’s gonna be.