The Political Paris Hilton

By Frances Martel

According to great French political historian and every social scientist’s worst enemy Alexis de Tocqueville, it has been roughly forever since a title of prestige and power in America has been handed down to the rightful heir of a noble family (underhanded pay-to-play exchanges excluded). Rewarding the wealthy with the one thing money can’t buy, power, has been the modus operandi of European governments for several centuries, and even to this day when nobles are not supposed to have any real power outside of the symbolic, individuals like Prince Felipe of Spain and Princess Diana’s sons do seem to carry at least a palpable amount of unwarranted relevance. These illogical hierarchies have been the source of much ridicule and perhaps more than a bit self-important disdain on our side of the pond, for while American politicians have always enjoyed a bit of nepotism in their lives, it is mostly something we must encounter later in life, when one must work for a job and finds that someone that worked slightly less was hired because of a friend. It has never been acceptable in our society for this to exist from the time of birth. A baby’s fancy name and future pretty house has never openly entitled it to any semblance of political power. That was, for many freedom fighters from the Revolutionary War to the Civil Rights Movement, the entire raison d’etre for this nation.

Caroline Kennedy wants to bring change to America.

President Obama, compared to the legacies of the Bush family and Clintons, needs to strain all its resources to network with potential allies. He has already made more than enough allies, yet change starts at home, and he has more than a few people to “thank” for his election. He has a little princess on his staff that has bored of being a “strategist” and wants a new toy to play with. Obama has the entire state of New York to tamper with now that he shushed Hillary by giving her a job that requires her to be perpetually out of the country. Unfortunately for him, no matter how much the extreme left wishes to brand the Bush family as a gruesome pureblood family a la J.K. Rowling’s Malfoys, the truth is that both Bushes were educated in administration and politics, extremely qualified for their jobs, and elected to those positions. Appointing someone with the lack of credentials, likeability, and public intelligence of Caroline Kennedy to her old Senate seat should spark an uproar the nation over, although we are still collectively forced to do her every bidding because we all still pity her for that one time a century ago when her father died (note: Caroline Kennedy, now that her brother has passed, is the only person in America who has ever lost their father. This is a fact. Ask Barack Obama).

Obama is a man of safe decisions, however, so he’d prefer to sweep the entire issue conveniently under the rug and appoint her when no one is looking. Too bad it is December, and there is nothing else to look at. The only option is for his machine to extend its influence nationwide and distract America by throwing miserable Illinois punching bag Rod Blagojevich under the bus for expressing interest in who succeeds the incoming president in his home Senate seat. While the media ravenously scavenges Blagojevich’s political corpse, the Paris Hilton of the American political landscape is free to grovel and guilt-trip Democratic insiders into accepting her for the woman she is (that is to say, Uncle Teddy’s favorite niece). She has been pushing for the job Hillary-style by making public appearances no one wants to see and surrounding herself with belligerent sycophants like Al Sharpton who are comfortable with fabricating qualifications that the masses will gobble up. Just as Her Royal Highness has spent a lifetime waiting to die in abstract employments such as “humanist,” “activist”, and member of “a family dedicated to public service” (?), she magically has also been padding her resume with jobs as a “voice of people,” “public figure”, and even “political strategist”. Wow!

So she may be the most obnoxiously under-qualified candidate for a senate seat since her potential predecessor. No problem. She has a fair share of social and political capital coursing through her blue-blood veins and is worth her weight in political connections she has done and need to do nothing to maintain. Sure, the fact that her father and uncle were disposed of by various concerned albeit extreme elements of American society steals away from her the two most powerful connections anyone in her position could have had, but formerly-useless Ted Kennedy, as the last man standing, has more strings to pull than a professional harpist. To Obama, Caroline Kennedy is not the kind of person it is safe to push to the side.

As a citizen of a state with a former senator and governor that paid for both his positions fair and square, I can attest to the fact that not even the most nightmarishly incompetent governing can destroy the strength of a willing and able community. No matter how high taxes are raised to fill the pockets of multi-millionaire politicos or how many government workers it takes to screw in a light bulb (New Jersey’s answer? 81 per square mile), America is designed to withstand the storm and from the ashes of a Gay American eventually birth a competent leader. At the very least, no one is ever prevented from proving just how incompetent they can be by their last names or property value. Letting Caroline Kennedy live out her medieval delusions by maintaining such high levels of outrage at Blagojevich’s attempt to give New Money a chance to rule (for a change) as well will set a precedent in our society that will severely hinder social mobility and eventually destroy the faith of many in this country when they awake from the Hollywood-enduced stupor that keeps them enamored with her family. It is a shame that the media have taken the bait and gone down the Blagojevich rabbit hole trying to find the real corruption on Senate seat appointments.

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