The Rush Limbaugh of the Democratic Party

Rafael Román Martel

The Republicans have seen the light; since they can’t win a presidential election on positives, they’ll do it on negatives one more time. Now they have embarked on a pro-Hillary campaign. They have realized that the only way they would beat Obama in the fall is with an underground racial campaign, but first it would be nice if it never gets to that point. So, after extensive polling, a weird coalition a la Grupo del Río have embraced in a Polaroid Pact to send Obama to the bench, hopefully making him disappear from the public eye- at least forever.

“His message is empty”, they say. “He has no experience,” they repeat after very experienced Hillary Clinton pulls every string, consults every voodoo instrument and asks for assistance from anyone who could make Obama darker, uglier, incoherent or anything, please, that will make her look better. (Every time I see her I reach for my rosary and big bottle of Holy Water) She’s beginning to look scary, screaming in her squeaky tone and gesturing like Chucky’s Bride because her candy is being taken away. How could the Clintons even imagine that a younger, much better politician, and on top of that with a unifying and positive message, would take away her pivotal moment, her arrival to the gates of power, her throne? Where is this guy coming from? Obama? What Obama? His name reads like a nightmare for Hillary, and it’s not going away. It must be stopped. It must be erased from the map.

The last few weeks Barack Obama has been under attack by her and her friends at the press, those she claimed were bias for Obama. CNN has displayed some interesting Obama Bias Fever. Last Tuesday Harvard Ph.D. and political commentator, Bill Schneider almost had a nervous breakdown with giggles and undeniable pleasure right on live TV after his outside polling revealed that she would win Texas as well as Ohio. Wolf Blitzer didn’t know what to do, jump or roll on the floor, when he realized Schneider was having a political orgasm with Hillary’s upcoming victories. In a somewhat similar situation as the Republican illumination they had also seen the light: they could beat Obama. They could stop Obama from darkening-could it be tainting– the democratic nomination. Obama and his peace pipe can go to hell: Hillary is now Da’ Man.

Since the “momentum” is on her side, the Republicans, terrified of the possibility that 300 million Americans- especially themselves- could witness a catastrophic McCain-Obama debate, are also on her side, just for a little while, just enough time to make sure that Obama is out of the picture so they could download the 500 million megabytes of dirt they have on Hillary and her pathetic husband-of sorts.

The Republicans are very white and rich and all that but they are not stupid. You have to be a super genius to make people believe that George Bush is a politician. To place him in the presidency takes unexplainable intelligence. So it’s easy for them to figure out that Obama is the problem, Hillary could also win but they can “work” with her, plus the fact that she’s very white really helps. This is America. White counts. The color of your skin in this country doesn’t stop you from being successful but the less dark you are the wider the doors open. Being white is a privilege that, in most cases, overrides other qualities like decency, commitment, kindness, loyalty or any other commodity of the human race.

Considering this, Barack Obama has been able to overcome olympic hurdles and survive. Can he make it to the finish line? It’s up the American people.

The other race, the one for the White House, has also been drawn with subliminal undertones into the racial mud. “If Hillary loses, I’ll vote for McCain” or “I’ll never vote for that black guy”, Democrats tell me on a daily basis. “You must be crazy supporting a black guy,” I am often told by people who aren’t precisely white, since I began supporting Obama’s candidacy.

In two months, Obama has been labeled a Muslim, a Communist, an empty head and a terrorist among other things. He has been endorsed by Fidel Castro, Genghis Khan, Stalin and Satan. His contributors and close political allies are being investigated. His wife has to read from a manual to answer a question, to express and opinion. She has been almost lynched by that moral authority Bill O’Reilly, you know, the one with the falafa or falufa and a vibrator in his pocket. Even Florida wants to get into the act now. That’s all we need at this point- another CHAD War that would probably drag the primaries another year. Florida residents should take a basic elementary math test in order to vote. If these guys can’t count, what’s the use of voting other than the CHAD thing that no one understands? It’s like a tribal ritual where symbolic pieces of paper are sacrificed with sharp instruments. Obama doesn’t get a break. It’s like the man has killed your goldfish and raped your cat or something like that but that’s not the problem. The Problem in his life has a name: Hillary Clinton. The Clinton plague, the power hungry monster machine has declared him public enemy, and he’s in danger of becoming another statistic in the Clinton book of victims.

It is precisely his message of hope his best bet to defeat Bill and Hillary’s incredibly aggressive and negative political machine. The message of Hope is now the main target of the evildoers (oops I might have to resign my US citizenship for this) who bite their nails every time Barack Obama fills another stadium with 20 thousand people and opens his mouth. We can only imagine her turning away when he speaks of Hope and a united country, inspiring millions of voters of all ages with his exceptional oratory. His words must hit like daylight in her eyes. She insists for solutions from Obama; in the eight years she was in power (I guess) she doesn’t have two square feet of solid ground to stand on in the matter of solutions. Her most significant achievement was almost destroying the national healthcare system as well as having the ability to survive a dozen scandals.

Solutions will come when we place Barack Obama in the presidency of the United States. She should be more cooperative, she should be more of a team player, she should make an effort to help Obama get there. By being herself she is doing her part; she’s fulfilling her role as a hatemonger, showing how little she cares for anything else but her greed and her power. By coming across as cruel, cold, and mean, she helps us understand. She helps us see the light. The same light that the Republicans are now recognizing as danger while John McCain takes another nap.

In her last desperate attempt to stop Obama, her campaign has suggested that the Illinois senator is part of the Right Wing Conspiracy, calling him Ken Starr. If this is true- in Hillary’s world anything is- then she has rightfully earned the title of The Rush Limbaugh of the Democratic Party, an uncommon title for someone who claims that “it takes a village to raise a child.”

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