Time Magazine: Bob Barr May Be the Last Nail in McCain’s Coffin

Time Magazine, noted bastion of objective journalism that has historically avoided being wrong by phrasing all of their opinions into questions, is stretching its Nostradamus muscles yet again to predict the fall of Republican nominee and national embarrassment John McCain.

Like all Ivy-League-infested, so-called “intellectual” cesspools, the Time scribes have once again overthought the entire electoral process to come up with an optimistic, if not unreasonable, rationale behind the inevitable failure of the McCain campaign. Never mind McCain’s painfully obvious senility, his tendency towards irrational fits of anger against loved ones and coworkers (or complete disregard of others), or his general apathy towards the wellbeing of America’s soldiers. Nor pay any attention to the fact that his campaign is a bigger mess than Hillary Clinton’s Terry-McAuliffe-Million-Dollar-Bacardi-Debt fiasco.

Yes, it can get worse.

His Democratic opponent’s popularity doesn’t seem to be a factor, either. It doesn’t matter that Barack Obama can bring together larger crowds than Justin Timberlake or the Rolling Stones, that his cool manner, masterful command of modern rhetoric, and squeaky clean record can bring down a Democratic dynasty and reduce thousands of adults to tears WITHOUT HAVING A PLATFORM OR ANY EXPERIENCE WHATSOEVER.

Nope, none of these reasons are enough to lose the 71-year-old Vietnam vet the presidency of the most powerful country in the world. His downfall is neither in his own idiocy nor in the extraordinary universal appeal of his adversary. We shouldn’t even blame Larry Craig for this one. In fact, Time suggests that the culprit is much more sinister in his intentions than the airport bathroom fiend could ever aspire to be. Yes, the answer is obvious: the death blow to this interminable national plague that we call the Republican nominee for president will come from the sword of mustachioed Constitutional Musketeer Bob Barr.

Barr, famous for keeping Alaskan rock-throwing senator Mike Gravel permanently out of our lives and also looking a little bit like Jeremiah Wright, is gaining third-party momentum in what we can now call the “Constitutional Underground,” a silent majority of Americans that feel asphyxiated by their government’s insistence on telling them what to do, where to go, what to buy, and most importantly, how much to pay. The antithesis of High-Tax Corzine and the tax-and-spend Pelosi socialists, Barr and his followers- a national average of 6%, with a 10% margin in particularly independent states like New Hampshire- preach the values of freedom, justice, the American way, and- most importantly- small government. Barr is particularly avid about repealing the 16th Amendment- the income tax- and getting the government’s hand out of the people’s pocket, whether it be to take in taxes or give in the form of inefficient welfare programs. Barr is, in short, a younger, swarthier, more sane version of everyone’s favorite blimp-flying lunatic Ron Paul. Paul himself is reluctantly endorsing Barr in the race for the White House.

So it’s appealing to read that logical ideas that would benefit the American middle class, as opposed to the typical economic vampire techniques major party candidates prefer, are actually keeping an old, angry, dangerous man’s hand off the Button. It would be nice to believe that the message of common sense is finally getting through, and that neither the communist left nor the radical right have a stranglehold on the majority of our people any more. But let’s get our heads out of the clouds, here: Americans are no more likely to vote for Bob Barr than they are Vermin Supreme or Colin Farrell.

The next president of the United States?

And perhaps there would be a Nader-like argument for Barr in a situation other than the one we have: a cheap, senile imitation of Spiro Agnew running against the lovechild of John F. Kennedy and Cicero (baptized by Marcus Aurelius and adopted by Martin Luther King, Jr.). Perhaps the article will serve to open the eyes of Americans and shepherd them away from the danger that both major party candidates present, but it’s best not to dream on.

To read the whole Time article, click here.

Frances Martel