The Rightful Heir, the “Black Guy”, and the Reverend Parade

Frances Martel

The Bridge to the 21st century has finally collapsed back into the Whitewater from whence it came, leaving Billary out to fend for themselves and forcing them to plunder the Democratic Party’s general likability. How sad. With the Democratic nomination a mathematical impossibility and regaining the respect of the American people an even wilder pipe dream, the Clintons are predictably ignoring the high road and carving for themselves a whole new path of shame as they yap away about the injustices done to them on the campaign trail, injustices such as people deciding to not vote for them and having their votes counted.

And in the meantime, the Democratic Party as an entity continues to be baffled by their obstinence. The Clintons are openly sabotaging the election at the expense of their Party in the name of their personal ambitions, and there is little that DNC chair Howard Dean or anyone involved in the process can do about it. At a time and place where even the slimiest of political reptiles have taken their rightful place in 2008 election history (yes, John Edwards, I’m looking at you), the Clintons continue their struggle to prove that they are no pedestrian power mongers. Nope, they’ve cheated their way to the top fair and square, and no one, not even the American people, will stand in their way.

And so the Clintons roll on, calling for everything from the undemocratic misrepresentation of votes in their favor to the assassination of the rightful Democratic nominee—anything that will give them what they long ago sold their souls for. For all we know the Clintons are negotiating to buy some of that tasty journalist-killing plutonium from the Russians. It wouldn’t be any crazier than what the campaign is up to right now. When their favorite slave Terry McAuliffe isn’t embarrassing himself on CNN hailing her unrealistic speeches about her campaign gaining momentum historical milestones, their lower-tier cronies are popping up on miscellaneous cable news shows doodling the United States map and claim Karl Rove says that their doodles prove her to be a stronger candidate, as if even if that were true and people cared the citizens of all the states that have already voted can go back and correct their errors. These doodles also emphasize the importance of her victories in Michigan—where Obama was not on the ballot but, to her credit, Clinton won a tough uphill battle against Chris Dodd (who had already dropped out of the race at the time) and Dennis Kucinich—and Florida, where she faced a little more competition on the ballot but candidates were asked not to campaign. Apparently she didn’t get the memo.

Of course it doesn’t stop there. CNN, Wolf Blitzer, and the more cowardly elements in her friendship circle that, unlike the surprisingly courageous Bill Richardson, have yet to turn their backs on her or at least make an attempt to reason with the woman continue to feed her insanity by digging up irrelevant local nobodies to prove that Barack Obama is a bad egg in the American political circuit. The cable news networks appear to be particularly fond of reverends, because they give them an opportunity to bash both the Obama campaign and the opiate of the masses, and also probably because reverends like to scream a lot, and to lots of people at the same time. When it isn’t the completely irrelevant Rev. Jeremiah Wright meekly raising his hand to make the point that being black in this country may perhaps not be a bed of roses, it’s Rev. Joe Pfizer (or whatever his name is—I don’t care) offhandedly commenting that Hillary’s permanence in the race is ridiculous. While it makes sense for America’s first Black First Lady to object to the comment that the black community may have it worse than the white one, since Clinton was born with a silver spoon in her mouth despite her obvious blackness, it would behoove her to look in the mirror to do a little more than practice her daytime TV crocodile tears before the men in white tie her up and take her away.

Whatever her reaction may be, the reverend parade continues. Everyone else has a politically incorrect reverend albatross clinging for their campaign’s necks so tightly that it makes religious service look like a viable career plan on the fast track to fame. Well, almost. Apparently the only candidate with absolutely no ties to any reverends is Congressman Dr. Ron Paul, but we all knew he was a godless lunatic anyway. And, of course Hillary herself, unless you count Mexican C-list star Johnny Canales as a religious figure—I certainly do.

In any case, watching Billary implode on themselves after they contributed so much time and effort into furthering the military, political, and moral decomposition of our nation is, to say the least, satisfying. To borrow a phrase from acclaimed political analyst Sharon Stone, it appears to be a case of karma—“when you’re not nice, the bad things happen to you.” Like losing a second shot at the world’s most powerful office, a position that was signed, sealed, and delivered merely six months ago, to someone who hasn’t even married an ex-president.